Issue 02: The Cost of Always Being the Strong One
Welcome to the second edition of Inspire Your Story
Your support after issue #1 was astounding and I was blown away by the positive reception. My ambition to share the unspoken side of success in the property business and open up conversations has been met with great enthusiasm which is incredible.
I’m excited to share issue #2 with you, to keep building and growing this platform, and to keep sharing the stories behind the job titles and the lessons behind success.
People often tell me, “You always seem to have everything under control.”
I usually smile when I hear it. Not because it’s untrue, but because it reminds me how easy it is to make assumptions about another person’s life based only on what we can see.
As leaders, consultants, business owners, colleagues and parents, many of us become known as “the strong one”. The person who solves the problem, remains calm under pressure, supports everyone else and keeps things moving when circumstances become difficult.
Being strong doesn’t mean you never doubt yourself. It doesn’t mean you’re never overwhelmed, uncertain or tired. Sometimes it simply means you’ve become very good at carrying things other people can’t see.
A senior leader I once worked with brought this home for me. She was experienced, respected, and known as the person everyone turned to when something went wrong. From the outside, she appeared completely in control. But during one honest conversation, she admitted she was exhausted.
She’d become so used to supporting everyone else that she no longer knew how to say she needed support too. She worried that admitting she felt overwhelmed would make people question whether she was capable of leading.
What stayed with me was that nobody around her ever thought of her as struggling. They assumed she was fine, because she’d become so good at appearing strong. When she eventually began sharing responsibility more openly, asking her team for their views and admitting when she didn’t have an immediate answer, they didn’t lose confidence in her. They trusted her more.
Leaning on your team is a demonstration of strong leadership, not a sign of weak management.
The expectation to have all the answers
One of the biggest misconceptions about leadership is that confidence comes first. In my experience, confidence is usually built through uncertainty.
When I decided to become an independent consultant six and a half years ago, I had no idea where the journey would take me. Some people quietly expected me to fail. The truth is, I hadn’t previously done many of the things I would soon walk into organisations and be expected to deliver.
I had never launched a new sales brand, or delivered a £60 million GDV private-sales programme for a single client. I hadn’t developed bulk-sale strategies, tendered for creative and sales agencies, or taken responsibility for homeownership services without prior experience in the area.
Had I waited until I possessed every skill and every answer, I would never have started my business.
Every opportunity taught me something. I prepared, asked questions, drew on the experience I already had and applied it to new situations. Most importantly, I backed myself enough to step forward before I felt completely ready.
From the outside, that may have looked like confidence. From the inside, it was often preparation, resilience, determination and a willingness to keep learning. Looking back, I do not think I was ever “faking it”. I was believing in myself until my experience caught up, and that is a key difference.
Too many talented people wait until they feel fully qualified before putting themselves forward. But confidence rarely arrives before the opportunity. More often, confidence is built by taking action, learning as we go and discovering that we are more capable than we realised.
When resilience becomes an expectation
Our industry rightly celebrates resilience. But when resilience becomes the expectation rather than a strength, it can leave people feeling as though they are never allowed to struggle.
Once you become known as the problem-solver, every problem seems to find its way to you. People rarely stop to ask whether you should have to carry it all. Sometimes, we contribute to that expectation ourselves; we remember the people who doubted us, so we keep pushing and delivering even when we need support.
We want to prove that we deserve the opportunity. We do not want anyone to question our ability. We remember the people who doubted us, so we keep pushing, delivering and finding solutions even when we need support.
Strength can open doors but if we are not careful, it can also become a role we feel unable to step out of.
What leadership has taught me
The strongest leaders I’ve worked with are not the people who pretend everything is under control. They are the people who are comfortable saying, “I don’t know yet”, “Can you help me think this through?”, “I made a mistake” or “I need some support”.
Those words do not de-stabilise leadership. They demonstrate honesty, self-awareness and trust.
One of the biggest shifts in my career came when I realised that leadership is not about proving yourself every day. It ‘s about creating an environment where other people feel safe enough to contribute, challenge and grow.
Backing yourself doesn’t mean carrying everything yourself.
It means trusting that you can learn and adapt through unfamiliar situations , not pretending you never need advice or another perspective.
For many of us, especially those who’ve overcome difficult circumstances, strength becomes a survival skill. Those habits can take us a long way. But what helps us survive one stage of our lives doesn’t always help us thrive in the next. There comes a point when strength also means allowing yourself to be supported.
A Final Thought
The people who appear strongest are often the people carrying the most quietly.
So perhaps the question isn’t only: “Who is relying on me?”
Perhaps it’s also: “Who am I allowing myself to rely on?”
Have you ever felt that you had to be “the strong one”? Or taken an opportunity before you felt fully ready? I’d love to hear what those experiences taught you.
See you next month.
Founder, Inspire New Homes
Coming Next Month…
The Best Career Advice I Never Received
We’re often told to work hard, keep our heads down and wait for our efforts to be recognised. But is hard work alone enough?
Next month, I’ll explore the career lessons I wish someone had shared with me earlier, from making your contribution visible to building relationships before you need them.
P.S. I am currently planning the first series of the Inspire Your Story Podcast and am looking for guests from across real estate who are willing to share the honest story behind their career; the challenges, setbacks, pivotal moments and the lessons that shaped them.
If you have a story that could inspire the next generation, or you know someone whose story deserves to be heard, please get in touch.
Talent is everywhere. Opportunity isn’t. Let’s change that together.
